How’s motherhood?

What kind of question is that? It’s like, what’s going on or hows it hanging? Do you really want to know?  Well, let’s see. Generally pretty good, sometimes great and sometimes I want to shoot myself or someone else, no names mentioned… That’s a lot like how motherhood is.

Most of the time things are good. You love your child. You think they’re the cutest, smartest,funniest being alive. Dad helps when he can (he doesn’t have boobs, at least ones that produce nourishment). You’re slightly tired from waking up every 3-4 hours a night but can pretty much put things on cruise control after a while.

Baby cries because he’s hungry, you feed him. Baby fuses because he’s tired, you rock him to sleep. Something smells, you change him. It’s pretty easy breezy from here on out.

You’re once swollen “looks like you got in a bar fight and lost badly” vagina is back to normal. Your nipples no longer feel like someone sliced them in half then squeezed lemon juice on them only after rubbing them in sea salt. All is right with the world. Until that one day when nothing happens and your child starts screaming at the top of their lungs and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Nothing.

You rock him, cry. Sing to him, cry (though I don’t blame him). Swaddle him, cry. Shhhh him, cry cry cry. Nothing works. In fact your attempts just seem to upset him more. Then you think “If I cover his face open-handed would it muffle the sound while leaving enough room for him to breathe?” After what seems like hours of this, which is really only 5-10 mins because time slows down when a baby cries.  He stops, stares at you and smiles. Then for the first time he giggles.  And that’s when Motherhood is extraordinarily stupendous and worth every crying moment.  I wouldn’t trade it in for anything.